Anxiety

Feeling so overwhelmed with it all today. It's a vicious cycle and every time there seems a glimpse of hope things are improving it seems to get much worse again.

We have an amazing life and lots of friends but I feel so withdrawn from it all and when I try and get involved I get so anxious and end up leaving. It's happened a few times in the last few days. The anxiety when I'm with a group just builds and builds, my heart races and I feel my skin heating up like its on fire. I can't seem to calm myself down so I always end up leaving the situation and taking some time out. People have no idea so I'm sure I come across rude and a bit abrupt just leaving.

Last night was a very restless night with ice packs and waking up to put on cream so I didn't feel like my skin would crack in half. I woke up so dry, my eyes swollen and feeling so uncomfortable but I really wanted to go to church as I've missed the past few weeks as I haven't been up to going. I showered and exfoliated my skin, spent ages putting and cream, doing my hair and then getting all my little ones ready. After two hours I was ready to go so I bundled everyone into the car trying to keep my cool as my skin became drier and drier and more painful.

Everyone was lovely at church but I hid away under my sunnies and long hair saying a brief hello. When the songs started I couldn't hold myself together at all, it's so raw and painful and standing in worship just brings such a flood of emotions and my anxiety just got worse and worse so I quickly walked out with bub and left.

I love people and being involved and engaged so feeling this way is so hard as it feels so unnatural to be withdrawn and not confident talking to people.

I know that a lot of this is much more in my head than is probably true. We always notice the flaws about ourselves more than how other people view is, I know I do anyway. I constantly try to feel confident and just get on with it and most of the time I can but occasionally I just. Abt hold myself together no matter how hard I try.

I'm trusting God. He is my healer and I know I'll come through this and healing will be my testimony. I hold onto the hope of that day and now in the midst of this I'll cherish each day and look for the other blessings that each day holds as they are many.

A beautiful quiet spot to sit, think and pray.

My hands are one of the driest areas of my body at the moment. My neck and top lip are the other areas that are very inflamed at the moment.